It was a bright Monday but there was a dark energy all around. I could hear a guy from the other room of my PG crying out loud: YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!!!

After coming out from my room, all I saw was the common hall filled with people staying in my PG.

'How could they do this?!' *sobbing*

'Its OK man! Honi ko kon taal sakta hai'

'I can't believe we wouldn't be able to see them anymore'

'I don't know anything! What I'll do!? I don't even have a girlfriend!'

'Don't say it man! My hands are getting numb now only!'

'They are useless now!'

I could sense that something went wrong there like someone has died; maybe a friend of them. But I didn't care to ask them about their loss as I was new there and it wouldn't not be appropriate to scratch the wound. So I left and get back to my room where I suddenly realized that it's been now a week, I was ignoring the most important thing which I should do every alternate day to meditate; busy schedule, pressures and all. And besides, its very tough to seek peace and loneliness in PGs where you are living with other people. And to meditate, you should be all alone in peace with no disturbance. So here I was all alone and best time to do meditation, with my laptop and few tissues.

But time was not in my favor...

ERROR: PAGE NOT FOUND

It took me few hours to digest the reality behind this hindrance after flooding of a horrified update, over my phone and social media accounts. I realized then and there that why my roomies were crying and frustrated.

Beef ban... I said nothing.

Censored everything... I said nothing.

You even raised the price of cigarettes... I said nothing!!!

But not this! Not porn sites!! What these porn stars have done to the economy statistics of beloved India and their people. In fact it won't be wrong if I say that they have quite good contribution into its growth: specially to watch porn >> internet connection>> taxes >> growth.

Those days were fascinating with Abella Anderson and Kayden Kross but now.... Ban!!!!

They imposed ban on about 857 porn sites to protect minorities from accessing sexual contents.

Not 1 or 2 or even 100... But 857!!!

Its not their responsibilities towards the young generation of India but the jealousy of unable to enjoy Eva Anderson at their time of turning on.

"OH, WE WERE NOT EVEN ABLE TO CHECK ON THE B***IES IN MACHHALTI JAWAANI AND THAT TOO SECRETLY IN CINEMA HALLS AND THESE MORONS ARE ENJOYING SUNNY LEONE IN NAUGHTY NURSE AT THEIR HOME!? BAN IT!"


I remember the day I first visit one of these wonderlands. It was a trip to Hawaii. I hit the enter button and there I was... more than 100 rides to get on with almost all categories. You name it and there it was. But now it is inaccessible like King has finally destroyed and controlling magical moorland and this time even Maleficent failed to stop him. It was like one day suddenly the wonderland vanished leaving behind lots of Alice crying on their Karma.

Now we were crying and wiping our tears with the same tissue with which once we used to jerk off.

I cannot really imagine what will be the positive consequences of this ban but negative consequences. 

One of which is rate of suicide. Yes, rate of suicide will definitely rise up!

Office/ Exam/ Pressure >> Frustration >> Jerk off >> Relieved and back to the battle.

But now!

Office/ Exam/ Pressure >> Frustration >> PAGE NOT FOUND >> More frustration >> More pressure>> Again PAGE NOT FOUND >> frustration at its height >> Marriage/ suicide.

Another consequence will be,

PAGE NOT FOUND >> No A/V Class of safe and good ways of having sex >> No practical knowledge because no one talks about sex education in our sabhyata se bhari rapists ka desh >> Again frustration >> .....


These hands which were once proud of themselves for doing such a great work, more than even eating and writing, are now feeling numb to its height. Now they will never smile and do work enthusiastically.

They say that it's for our benefits that they imposed ban on Porn sites. Well all I can say that there are a lot of things which should be done for our benefits in our country: poverty, unemployment and all those traditional evils which are actually degrading us from last many decades. So I will definitely give up on my hands the day you will impose ban of those things first which really worth a ban because only banning cuss words, beef, net neutrality and porn sites won't bring the change but imposing the same on corruption and imbalanced system will.

But till the time: One minute silence for Pornhub....

'OMG! Ranbir was looking too hot na', it was the first thing which she said after coming out of the cinema hall. She took the name 'Ranbir' in such a way as if Ranbir Kapoor is nobody but her very close friend or chacha ke saale ka chota bhatija.

'Yeah!', of course I was out of options to argue with her as I knew that countering her words will only lead to - 'Oh! You are jealous', like the superstar will come and ask her for date instead of Katrina Kaif. And by the way, the only way to not create a mountain out of molehills in the conversations with your girlfriend is by supporting her words, no matter how much you disagree with her.

'Wish you were like him. How charming he is!?', OK, that was enough....

Starting from Alam Ara, we have been noticing how the Indian motion pictures have evolved according to the generations and its need for entertainment, understanding social responsibility or even KHANS.

Undoubtedly, Indian cinema is giving us every possible thing which a tired, frustrated or a joyful Indian wants in the weekend. But it (......)

There was a time when actors were quite average looking sophisticated Indians, throwing dialogues from nostrils and don't even know what one should do on a song except roaming around a tree.

Then came the era of handsome actors, good at dance and even singing too. They were baby boomers and good for their generation. At least girls at that time were quite convinced that these superstars are only meant for yet another female superstars. They were like logical fans!

And then came this; a falter. A guy who, on getting under control of emotions, used to stammer a lot. A guy who started doing movies by playing negative roles and became the most romantic and desirable man on earth (as what they, the girls, say). It was a time when Bollywood was into our vein so much that we started living and comparing our lives to that of a character on the 70 mm screen. So gradually he might be not a very romantic person but the image which he got by playing his so called unrealistic role on the screen made him that: The king of Romance.

Parallely, another guy came in; a muscular from filmy background, a 'Prem' image on reel and regular customer of court cases in real. That was what girls were dying for; good at looks but muscular too, no matter if he is running his car over someone. I mean.. A full package of most desirable bad boy. Well, guns and roses!

So unfortunately or fortunately, they (with many like them) became the love of every single woman. They were so much into them that girls started comparing them to their real love; I mean, the one who is paying for the tickets and taking her to the cinema hall so that she can enjoy and compare her favorite hero to her can be-to be-may be-why be-freebie man.

It heightened the scenario when girls started dating to those guys only whose name were either Raj, Rahul or Prem. It was like going into Ramlal ka dhaba and eating his ruthless Wada Pao because he named it Maharaja Burger on the menu. But actually it was never like McD's Maharaja burger, but just the name!

I used to wonder that why the mothers also started naming their new born baby boy as Raj, Rahul or Prem; because somewhere they also digested the 'illogical fact' that their kids' future will come into darkness of celibatarian if they won't name them any of those.

Somewhere we also swallowed the bitter truth that simplicity was no more the trend but the Rahulantic and bhai attitude; filmy pick up lines (which sounds romantic but impossible) and the move. The girls were no more towards sexy dance moves but the 'hatho ko pasarne wala' move. You might get rejected if you don't know how to make that hand moves; Rahulantic moves. You might get rejected if you are not wearing a blue stone bracelet.

The era continued and this one sided competition became tougher and tougher where the on screen heroes were unfairly winning every time. Sometimes Siddharth...sometimes Varun Dhawan or sometimes someone else! Even Hollywood and Daily soap actors too!

'Look at his abs! Damn He is sexy. Why don't you make it?'

Well who will make these girls understand that they spend more than a lakh on their trainers to get inside such a tight shape, which was more than impossible for us. It is a part of their job to look as much good as they can but not people like us for whom what is important is a sharp mind in the office, not abs and an average look. But still the Johnny Bravos tried and trying their best to get inside the shape just to get few more points in the comparison meter.

Besides you cannot talk about Alia's hot legs or Kangana's sexy figure to your girl. Otherwise get ready to face the K.O shot. However, they can! Or you have to convince them issuelessly that you are not jealous from those artificial abs.

Now the question is; there are also some hot and talented actresses in Bollywood to which we could have also compare or dream about getting married or even a relationship or even adore so much that you can kill anyone who will criticize her, like what girls do. They can even leave you or drive you to hell if you'll criticize him (one of the most desirable men) on his last film which was full of nonsensical items but no story. Well yes there are many! But the first thing is we are quite logical fans (won't deny if they have given a baseless film) and secondly, we know that we can't get them even after infinite birth.

Well the comparisons were illogical and somewhere we also knew that no matter how much she will love those charming actors, they will remain stick to us. They are just some crazy fans who just desire to have them but impossible to get them though they never want to digest it.

So what if they don't want to digest it! At the end, we'll win! So let them adore those 'charming' and unrealistically romantic guys, at the very end with the help of those pick up lines, it'll be us who will successfully plot ourselves into their fantasized mind.

And then came this! A headline of apocalypse; Shahid Kapoor married a non celebrity girl studying 3rd year in DU. A very good news for Shahid Kapoor but unfortunately a bad one for us... Yes! For us, not the girls. Yeh! Of course girls hated this news and some even cried to death for losing him as if he committed to all his female fans that he'll either stay with his bachelor-ship or marry all of them. But believe me, it was us who were sad about the news... or won't be wrong if I say... thinking about the future. There was a time when at least we were quite at ease about the thing that no matter what happen, at the end, no celebrity is going to touch our girls. But now with Mr. Shahid, everything is changed now. Now nobody can stop girls in dreaming about marrying these most desirable men. And it might happen that their dream can come true.

Now I am wondering that the competition is never going to end and actually it never going to be in our favor. Now the only option left to us is to treat girls like a celebrity as what we are doing from last many decades because even an ugly girl can get a line of celebrities and non celebs too, but we have to work out without Alia bhatt.

'Baby, I am so lucky that you're with me but not with him. Please don't leave me for Kapoor khandan. I can go for plastic surgery to look charming'.

Words! Well, when it about a man, he believes that action is more important than words, but if we talk about a woman, then it’s not only about just action but words too. A simple word can make them to love and admire you more and more and also can make them to suck your blood. So there’s one thing which we, men, need to learn about women is what to say to make them happy.

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What’s your relationship status? Sometimes it seems to be very strange that the one who is single wants to mingle and the one who is mingle again wants to be single and then again mingle. Whenever we check anyone’s profile, the first thing where our eyes roll up is whether the one is single or mingle. If single then friend request send karna to banta hai boss and if mingled then ‘sarging’ will follow up for next.

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Thanks to Mark bhaiya for creating virtual dakiyas and kabutar protocol for us. Blind dates are something which succeeds if you know how to act for that and fails if you know how to mess up. Basically, Facebook or post card should help to make the blind date how to act on blind date to make it successful especially what I learned from my last blind date.

A short story of a guy and his most amazing blind date.

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